I wonder why it’s so hard for me to stop thinking of it… All i’ve ever wanted was to be a mother, yet my greatest fear is my infertility. Is it so wrong that if that were all I amount to, to be a mother, that’d be enough for me? I know nowadays that’s such a lousy dream to have, but it’s all I’ve ever dreamed of. Not in some creepy commitment-crazy-psycho-baby-wanting-girlfriend-with-attachment-issues-type of way, frankly I’ve always been deathly scared of commitment, of losing interest in someone, but in I-have-all-this-love-to-give-and-this-nurturing nature-I-can’t-shake-off way. I was always the cold-hearted bitch, yet recently all I crave is a family. I have all these opportunities to be that crazy adventure-seeking 20 year old. I’ve always been so free-spirited, now all I crave is stability. It’s even scarier to want it with someone so badly, someone there’s no reassurance of actually ending up with due to crazy reasons. It’s SO scary to find the man of your dreams and not know how long you have before things get so complicated. I want to get out of this lull!
Everything that is meant to be, will find its way… I’m sure.